| 217;s like an Apple. At least, that’s how my | | | | my first duty is to slip his collar off. To set him |
| Right Eye sees him. | | | | completely free so that he couldn’t be |
| My Left Eye is rather different, due to a Judo | | | | grabbed, held or even stabbed. His collar is set very |
| accident thirty years ago. I was fighting in the British | | | | loose so that it slides easily over his huge head. He is |
| Army team against the German Police. To score a Full | | | | trained to bark (very loudly!) to draw public attention |
| Point one has to deposit your partner flat on his | | | | in the event of an emergency. There is nothing a |
| back. This often entails falling on top of him to make | | | | robber hates as much as noise, commotion and |
| sure he can’t twist out to safety. A few | | | | – witnesses. I train him regularly to bark, with |
| days prior to the match I’d injured my knee, | | | | a copious supply of (small) dog biscuits. On the |
| and I was hesitant to risk it in an important | | | | command “Bark” he really lets rip. |
| competition. | | | | Immediately and loudly. He’s absolutely on the |
| So when I threw my opponent I held back and | | | | ball here. |
| didn’t drop on him as I would normally have | | | | We read so much about pet owners being attacked, |
| done. The result: he twisted onto his side, for a half | | | | raped and murdered when walking their dog in the |
| point. | | | | park or wherever.. Young girls, pram-pushing mothers, |
| Getting up, he disappeared (underneath me | | | | like me you read the papers. |
| somewhere!) Up and over I went, but Black Belts | | | | What I require from my Stafford is that if I were |
| have a highly developed sense of balance, and I | | | | threatened, on slipping his collar and lead, that he runs |
| twisted in mid air to evade the point. Unfortunately. | | | | around the stranger barking loudly (and apparently |
| Landing directly on my head, I suffered severe | | | | fiercely) so as to |
| concussion, losing my memory and blinding my left | | | | 1. Draw attention (noise) |
| eye. | | | | 2. Distract the Mugger (rapid movement) |
| So thirty years later, I only see one single Apple | | | | 3. Actually frighten him (a barking dog just might dash |
| when I look at Tyson! | | | | in and bite) |
| Now all I care about is Doreen my wife, my music, | | | | 4. Giving me time to forget about my sixty years of |
| my books (right eye only!), my computer – | | | | training as a Black Belt and run away as fast as I can! |
| and Tyson! (Is that in reverse order? I’ll | | | | [I mean that! A hand-knife raises a mugger better |
| dodge that!) | | | | even than a high grade Black Belt German policeman!] |
| My big hobby is in fact the Martial Arts. I started at | | | | Your first duty – free your dog. |
| age fourteen, and haven’t stopped even | | | | Next – depart the scene rapidly. Your dog will |
| sixty years later. When I walk Tyson (twice a day) I | | | | follow safely. No need to worry about him. It might |
| place his safety way above mine – | | | | be useful to shout out loud “BITE! BITE! |
| don’t we all! | | | | BITE!” even though you don’t mean it. |
| Such that if I were about to be attacked or mugged, | | | | The mugger won’t know that! |